When Grandma Goes To Court
Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.
In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?' She responded,
'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.'
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?'
She again replied, 'Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a
youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.'
The defense attorney nearly died.
The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said,
'If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair.'
** Biodiesel Glycerine Soap - The Guide
- on 5 continents helping people make & sell soap from the Biodiesel Glycerine.
The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office.
The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.
The auditor said, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, Which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable.'
I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Grandpa. 'How about a demonstration?'
The auditor thinks for a moment and said, 'Okay. Go ahead.'
Grandpa says, 'I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.'
The auditor thinks a moment and says, 'It's a bet.'
Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops.
Grandpa says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.'
Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet.
Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye..
The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.
'Want to go double or nothing?' Grandpa asks 'I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.'
The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.
Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk.
The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win.
But Grandpa's own attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.
'Are you okay?' the auditor asks.
'Not really,' says the attorney. 'This morning, when Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it!'
[quote] When Grandma Goes To Court
You guys be sure and let me know when you take it on the road !!!
Good Stuff !!!
1999 K3500 Dually with a new AMG 6.5TD turned up a bit by John Kennedy
Chevy DMax Totaled thanks to a 20 year old in a Mustang
Hello all, been gone for a while, I built a 17 foot axial flux wind turbine and have it running part of the house, it's on a 25 foot test tower, I have been in a zoning battle with the morons on the planning commission in my township over a taller tower, so that has been taking a lot of my time this year, still making bio, prolly about 3K gallons this year, using it to heat the house and shop now with a couple good old fashioned oil furnaces with becket guns on em.
You can check out the turbine here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nEWBpua4bLk
I already have a least two more turbines in the works, I'm in the process of getting a hydraulic tilt up tower shipped to Chicago from Shenzho China right now, that is quite an adventure I'll tell ya, they can buld em ship em here with all the necessary foundation parts for less than I can buy one single piece of steel tube, I have already inspected one here in MI up close and personal, the quality is top notch.
So, I'm not dead yet just off on several tangents, looking to update my wood chip wash to something closer to what RolfQuo has this winter, so I'll prolly be around here more often, a belated happy new year to all.
Welcome back Fabricator, I wondered where you got to. What I'm seeing is a three-phase alternator rectified into the battery bank with the four headlamp load, correct?
What is the output in watts and volts, Fab? What does the little meter measure and what does the little fan do?
If there is wind and no load how do you plan to deal with output?
Hey Paul long time no type, anyway, that particular setup was just to keep a load on the mill while I was setting everything up, if they don't have a load they will go runaway, faster and faster and eventually let all the smoke out of the stator, you can also stop them by shorting all three phases together, but that is a real slam stop, this machine has an air brake that has an air cylinder on the mill with a brake shoe on one of the magnet rotors, there are two magnet rotors with a stator in between.
The little fan thingy is a hand held anemometer, the entire mill is scratch built based on designs they have on otherpower.com.
The system right now has 16 125 amp hour deep cycle batteries for a total of 2000 amp hours, the machine is basically rated as a 3kw machine, it has a furling tail, that is more or less made to turn the mill out of the wind at around 26-28 mph wind speed, at that wind speed it would be in the neighborhood of 3kw output, right now it's hooked up to charge at 24 volts DC, I have seen the amps in meter at 50 amps, that is about as much as you want this stator to put out for short bursts.
For a 24 VDC battery bank you don't want to go over about 28 volts charge, I have what is called a dump load controller, this particular one senses battery bank voltage and when it gets to the point you set it triggers a relay and turns on a dedicated inverter that powers a 120 volt AC heating element in my hydronic heating system until the bank voltage is down to 25 volts.
It's all pretty much automatic now I don't have to babysit anything, this week I will be getting my main inverter it's an AIMS 5kw continuous 10kw surge 24VDC to 120AC inverter, when I get that hooked up I'm gonna put my well pump and refrigerator and freezer on it and see how it goes, I've got pics of the power wall somewhere, I'll see if I can find em and post em.
Thanks Fab, as usual everything you do is superlative. I guess you're not short of wind where you live?
Do you have or plan to have solar hot water? In a recent UK program that screened here on "Grand Designs" these people put in a hot water heater of maybe 1000 or 2000 litres to absorb excess heat and keep it available for cloudy days. Your excess wind energy could go into something like that, with or without solar.
Well actually today it's dead flat calm, in January, in winter, in Michigan, WTF? But we do actually have a pretty good wind resource if you have a good location and a tall tower, right now I got no plans for solar water, I do plan on a 2-3kw tracking solar array this summer though, so many plans, so little time, so little money.
The tracking solar array sounds fun, I think solar hot water too would benefit from tracking, also with vertical adjustment for the season. Certainly the way commercial residential setups work here they apparently are really only effective for about four hours around midday.
From what I understand wind supply is a serious bugbear when it comes to electricity generation. The local power utility installed (with much fanfare) a tall mast on the coast to measure wind for a year but quietly dropped further plans after they realised there wasn't enough, even though it had seemed to be a good proposition.
Yep, happens all the time, and just like there are micro climates in a region there is the same thing with wind.
Here's a pic of my power wall so far, the box on the top is a 24 VDC buss box it combines the paralell battery strings with one series connection to make 24 volts, the small gray box above the inverter is the charge controller and the inverter is the dedicated 120 volt dump load inverter, the small air compressor on the floor is for the air brake up on the turbine.
Nice job and congratulations Fab!
Make sure ya ventilate that battery room if you haven't already... Wouldn't want make a new door in that room!
Have ya had a chance to try your tail and brake in high winds yet?
What did ya make those sweet looken blades out of?
Paulus, At least your government just scrapped the plan. At a nuke plant not far from here, a few years back they wanted to put up a huge (at the time) 3MW turbine for their 'image'. All the wind studies said it wouldn't fly but of course they went and put it in anyways. After it sat idle for a few months they installed a huge electric motor in the nacelle to make the rotor turn. Didn't want to tarnish their image of course... All this at the taxpayers expense... of course....
Simple schematic for a pump and heater control with a high limit
Sensor for the biodiesel/glycerin layer
Hey Jon you still hauntin this place? Yeah, the brake works any time any place, the batts are in a wide open basement with lots of holes into the main floor of a drafty old farm house, I can't even keep warm air in this place let alone a little hydrogen gas.
The big problem I have now is getting the local building inspector to let me put up a chinese tower without a MI engineers stamp on it, but one way or another it's going up permit or no permit, the dumb SOB wants to know how far a 60 foot tower will fall if it falls down, the new township ordinance is basically a de facto ban on residential wind turbines, i'm not gonna let some ignorant buracrats stop me rom my God given right to harvest the wind thast blows for free over my property.
How absurd. They would have been better putting a huge fan in front of the turbine to make it turn.
I too belong to the otherpower forum http://fieldlines.com and can attest to Fabs heavy involvement over there. When Fabricator gives attention to a project, oh boy, or as they say out here in the southwest, "Boy Howdy!"
Check out the craftsmanship
Fabricator has mad-crazy skills
Hey Brian what's up, how bout you post those pics of the view you got out there to liven this place up a little, you talk about million dollar views!
I've been doing most of my photography and posting on my site at 1024pixels wide
I hope that is okay here, (yeah, it was too big, I shrunk it to 800px)
This if from a few months ago, The sun shines through the opening in the ridge to our east before hitting anywhere else.
Life here with my parent's failing health is bearing down on me, so I don't have much inspiring imagery at the moment
We are working on buying me a newer vehicle, since my 1986 Trooper died
This is a 2006 Jeep Liberty CRD
Please, if you have any horror stories about the Liberty, I couldn't handle hearing it right now.
I swear I could write a country song, my truck is dead, dog and dad are in a race to see who hits the grave first, now mom has compound fractures in two vertebrae, both of them old folks living next door are horizontal at the moment.
I know, I know this guy is a boat-load of inspiration, eh?
I remind myself to little consolation, it could be worse. I try not to think about that too much though.
Hang in there pard, I'll keep a good thought, your song reminds me of David Allen Coe's perfect country song.
"I was drunk the day my mom got out of prison, and I went to pick her up in the rain, but before I could get to the station in my pickup truck, she got runned over by a damned ole train"
Your morning newsletter is always entertaining, Brian. We have a similar problem with my wife's mother at present. Two at once must be hard.
Yeah it is tough, but not unbearable. Prior to dawn, I walked over to their house in a couple of inches of fresh snow, with heavy duty slippers on, brought them some garden fresh carrot cookies I made this morning. I don't know about you guys, but I love being up before my parents, like somehow it makes all those years of being yelled at for sleeping in, all better.
Tomorrow is my 57th B-day
"Don't look a day over 52," my wife told me.
My grand daughter Rachel
Yeah this really cheered us all up a bunch
This morning's newsletter
Yeah, lots of garden fresh carrot cookies will do that for ya.
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